she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
accomplished twins. life is a go
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
