Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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