I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
