Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
