He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Lo siento on account of my penis...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
