I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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