maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
