So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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