I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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