my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
