why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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