I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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