I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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