I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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