I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
