I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
