I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
