We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
