cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what day is it and did you see me today?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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