My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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