What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
