I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
