I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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