o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we're so committed to being not committed
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
