I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
