My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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