last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
