allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
