Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
