I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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