Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
