I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
