My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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