The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
