is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
