trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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