I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
