I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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