I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
