Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
