I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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