the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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