apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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