I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
