I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
