ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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