**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
50% drunk capacity currently
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
