question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
