don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
