I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
