I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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