This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
