He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
