I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
